“It’s all about you” — Tupac Shakur

Sometimes I think about the random shit I put up with and wonder WTF. One such instance is my birthday, 2014 I think. I always take my birthday off because hey, it’s MY day. This year I wanted to go to the Bass Pro Shop that had recently opened and wander around. I had never been to one and it sounded cool. It has an aquarium and a bowling alley? Sign me up. I wanted to go there then eat at some new restaurant that had opened in that area. I tell SH what I want to do and he shoots it down! Complains and complains. And what do I do? Change my fucking plans. Put someone else’s wants ahead of my own on MY birthday. All we did was sit around and eventually go to Bar Louie with one of his sisters. When I look back on it now, I can not believe I let that happen. AND I ended up marrying him! Red flag ignored. He also complained once when we went to the Rabbit Hole for our anniversary. He complained about the food, and didn’t have one good thing to say about any of it. He used to say that I would shoot down anything he wanted to do and it was always what I wanted to do. It took me a while to learn how to speak up because of that. I was always worried about putting someone else out, so if I was asked for an opinion on where to go to eat or what I wanted to do, I would always say I didn’t care. This drove Josh crazy.

I believe I’ve learned since then. On my birthday in 2020, Josh and I went on a road trip (safely, because rona). We were in Vancouver, WA the day before my birthday and stayed with his brother and girlfriend. The girlfriend took care of her parents and was immunocompromised herself. I was making plans to meet up with my friend who lives in the area, but the girlfriend didn’t want us to go out into the world and come back. I thought eff this, I understand her concerns but it’s my birthday and I LOVE Vancouver, I’m going out. I got an AirBnB and told Josh he could stay there or with me, I didn’t care because I was going to do what I wanted to do for my birthday. I had a fantastic day painting in the park with my friend and her daughter and went to a few places I like with Josh. I understood her concerns and didn’t want to put anyone in danger, but I’m glad I didn’t think twice and made plans. I’ve also worked on saying exactly what I feel like for supper or in making plans. I don’t worry that Josh is going to flip out if I disagree with what he suggests, we always find a compromise.